Saturday

I have not slept well in a few nights. Things have been super busy and I have obviously been spread too thin. I hate it when things end up that way but it has and probably will many more times. Of course I have been having crazy weird dreams too.

Monday I worked and went to the dentist. I actually made my appointment at 3:30 this time so I made sure I left on time and went home to change between work and the appointment. While I was in the house my dad called. So while I was waiting for my turn I called him back and stuff. Sure enough the pickup was done and he wanted to run to Cheney to pick it up. After my appointment I picked up Alex from the house and then went to dad's and then we went to Cheney. After that we just hung out a while at his house. I bit my cheek really good while I was still numb too. Oh well one more appointment and then we will get the cap on and we are all caught up. I am still in awe of having a 2nd vehicle. Alex is only 12 (will be 13 in January) and he is already latching onto the pickup for "his" vehicle. I do feel kinda guilty though - I will get back to that.

Tuesday work then concert. Great time. Great show. Late night.

Wednesday Thursday and Friday. work meeting work work. It was newsletter week. I didn't even start the bulletin until 2pm on Friday (notice I am supposed to get off work at 3) CRAZY Alex came over after school and helped me do a few minor things that saved me a ton of time and I did get to leave by 4. Newsletter mailed, bulletin done, and mail taken care of. I still had a ton to do but I didn't do it. Friday night I had to do ALL of my Prairie Land paperwork and set up for distribution. Got done with all that - a short stop to dad's (normal Friday thing) and was home by 9:30pm.

Today. Of course I didn't sleep well at all (again) but was there on time and so forth. we had a small order this time which actually was kinda nice. One of my helpers I inherited from the previous people told me it would be his last time today. I expected it his work schedule had changed and was really only helping because his mom is in poor health and she had always helped so he was really helping her help and her health has gotten so bad she has only came once in the last year. That will work out I'm sure its too bad though because he is dependable and a great worker. Then after all that we went to breakfast. We don't normally do that but it was a nice change. Then back home and wow did we work. We FINALLY took care of the burn pile today. that's a lot of work but its done and the whole back yard looks better. Now they front needs mowed - hopefully for the last time this year. AND we caught a mouse overnight. There has been so little activity I hope this is the only other one and we are done with the gross mouse thing. I picked up a new dog food container and everything so other than the warm dryer there shouldn't be any attraction. I did take a nap today too. wow did I feel better after. Then to top off a busy day I realized tonight that I believe the washer has officially died. I have thought the last couple loads were taking way too long to dry but I really thought it was the dryer today however the load of jeans I had in the washer were still drippy when it was done and the fabric softener was still in the dispenser. I tried all the cycles didn't matter. UGH! of course I don't think there is anything I use more in the house (other than the fridge or the microwave of course). I am not sure I can go without one and money wise it couldn't have worse timing. not that there is ever a really good time.

And that brings up back to Guilt thing. I swear I wouldn't have a thing if it wasn't for my dad. House or vehicles (now even a second one). anything. I cant even begin to explain how appreciative I am for him and how I cant even imagine what things would be like if it wasn't for him. I know he does this because of my heath. He pays my med bills (in fact that is the only money I have taken from him for years is $s to cover those or meds and thats after insurance pays) but I think I take too much. yes he is able and no what he has given me doesn't even touch what he has. yet I feel guilty. At my age I should be able to take care of us by myself and that just isn't reality. and today I sit here and know that if I tell him there is something wrong with my car (it died twice Tuesday for no apparent reason but did run fine before and has since) or that my washer died (which is the washer of the set he bought me when I got our first house when Alex was a year old) he would take care of both like yesterday. I hide things like that for too long because I don't want to have to have his help - yet I know what help I do take is only the bare minimum to take care of necessity and in reality I shouldn't be so stubborn and ask or accept (as the case may be more). But then the line of necessity can get so blurred too. Probably more so because I feel guilty already. I just hope that someday somehow I can do what he does for me for Alex. Ugh. Im sure the concert doesnt help. I didnt pay for the tickets or anything and the boys shouldnt not get to do things like that because of my "stuff" but I try so hard to make sure that I keep with necessity. UGH. I dont even know what else to say. ugh!